Nighttime Hosts Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan
Late-night's leading comedians used the broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration program, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the rich.
The Late Show's Witty Analysis
Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas song about the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... ruins everything he touches."
The focus was the controversial program that permits foreign citizens to buy U.S. residence for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. The program's website pledges processing "faster than ever."
"A quick thought here to wealthy immigrants: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.
He explained that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.
"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."
"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."
"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."
"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."
"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers on Grocery Struggles
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll ratings during economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a second term since they were angry about the economy," he noted.
This week, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."
"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"
Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.
