Those Advice from A Father Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her main carer as well as taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. It was a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need support. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to discussing the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a larger failure to communicate among men, who still hold onto negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to ask for a respite - going on a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their issues, changed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."